i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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