I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
