So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
