its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Randomize
