I skipped work to stalk him.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
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I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
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Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
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