Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
