just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Randomize
