on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Randomize
