i don't like sucking hair
R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
my vag is so smooth its legendary
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
