Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
