I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
smell my finger.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
Randomize
