her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Randomize
