y did u give ur computer a hand job?
just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
This toilet bowl is my home.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
