So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
