she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
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