After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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