I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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