Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I enjoy the company of your penis
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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