literally had 100 drinks last night.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Rumble strips road head = magical
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
