If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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