i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
