Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
