My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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