My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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