i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
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