I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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