We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
