Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
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