I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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