also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
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