I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
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