Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Randomize
