I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
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