in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
I think pants incapable of making pants work
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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