I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
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