dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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