I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
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I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
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I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
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