halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Randomize
