I only kidnapped one of them. chill
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
