I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
