if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
