..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
so let's talk penis.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
