Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
