Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
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