Welp...herpes.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Randomize
