just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
