thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
I have demons in me.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Randomize
