but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
where are my eyebrows?
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
