If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
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i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
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I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
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