I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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