WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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