6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
