Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
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