I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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