Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
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