fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
