I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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