omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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