Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
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