seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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