Will you blow on my dice?
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
