allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
