Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
