Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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