she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Randomize
