At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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