i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Randomize
