I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Randomize
