But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
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