The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
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