K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
